


Never Let You Go

by morewinepls



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-03 21:02:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1756949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morewinepls/pseuds/morewinepls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ned comes home late to find Catelyn bent over the toilet, vomiting.</p><p>( Sorry it's really sad)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unwished News

She's sitting in a chair in the kitchen, Ned is packing things, and she doesn't know why. Her throat is sore from vomiting, and she is dizzy. so, so dizzy.

"What are you going to do?" she asked softly when he lifts her from the chair and starts putting her jacket on.

"We're going to the hospital"

"But it's the middle of the night! We can't leave the kids alone"

Ned sighes, tells Cat to close her jacket, and picks up his Phone.

 

N: Hey, Lyanna. Do you have time?

L: what the fuck, Ned. it's the middle of the night.

N: I know, and I'm sorry. But can you please come over?

L: What's rong? I can't leave. Jon is here and Benjen sleeps over for the weekend.

N: God damnit, Lyanna. Just bring them here. I'll explain it later. Just hurry okay.

 

he looked at Cat. She was impossabily pale.

"There's no need of going to the hospital, Ned" she said softly. "I'm just having the flu, I think"

"we're going, Cat. Don't argue with me on this point. We both know you've not been feeling well this week"

Had he noticed that? She had not told him about that.

 

a little while later, Lyanna, Benjen, and Jon knocked on the door.

"What the hell is going on, Ned"  Benjen asked.

"watch the childeren, please. we have to go"

"Where? Gods, tell me, Ned"

"I don't know when we'll return. I'm driving Cat to the hospital"

They all looked at her, and Ned took her hand in his, tugging her with him towards the door.

"Thank you" she said soflty as she walked pass Lyanna and Benjen before she was likely pushed into the car.

 

"Ned!" she exclaimed. "You're driving way. to. fast!"

"I don't care, Cat'

"What the fuck is going on! Why all this? I'm just feeling a little sick, that's all"

he didn't answer. They parked their car near the entrance of the hospital. He picked her up, placing and arm beneath her knees and back.

"Put me down" she said angrily. "Ned, I'm not invalid"

"I know. Just stop talking"

What the hell was wrong with Ned?

* * *

Lyanna was sitting on the couch in Ned's and Catelyn's living room.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"no thanks" she answered Benjen's question.

He sat down next to her with a glass of water, sighing.

"Do you know what's wrong with Cat?" she asked him.

"no"

"It must be bad" she looked at him. "I've never seen Ned like this"

"Ned's Always worried' Benjen said softly.

"I know... But still. Last week Ned told me that Cat was not feeling well. I told him she probably had the flu or just an extreme cold or something. He told me Cat didn't talk to him about it, but that he saw it when she-"

"mama?" a small voice interrupted their conversation. Lyanna looked behind her.

"Arya, dear. What's wrong?" She walked over to the little girl who was holding her teddybear tightly against her.

"Where's mama?" she had been crying, Lyanna saw.

"mama is... going to a place with papa. They'll be back soon"

"What place?" she pouted. "I want mama"

"She's not here now, Arya. What is it? Maybe I can help you"

"I had a nightmare" Arya said hesitantely.

Lyanna picked up Arya, and carried her to the couch. They sat down and Arya snuggled close against Lyanna as she sat on her lap.

"it's okay... It's over now"

"no it's not over" she sobbed. "I dream, mama gone"

"What do you mean?"

"She dreamed aunt Catelyn was gone" a small voice from behind them said.

"Jon?" He walked to Benjen.

"Arya woke me" he said softly. "And told me about her dream"

Lyanna hugged Arya, and Benjen couldn't help but chuckle.

"What?" Lyanna asked.

"She's just a mini you"

"I know" Lyanna smiled at Arya, "I love her. I love all of Ned's and Cat's childeren, ofcourse, but... I like Arya the most. She's so wild"

"I still don't know how that's possible" Benjen joked. "With Ned so silent and Cat so serious I hadn't thought it possible for them to get a wild child"

Lyanna sighed tiredly at the mention of Cat.

"I hope she will be okay"

"I hope they will get home soon. I need to work tomorrow and you, too. We can't leave their kids, though"

"Just skip work!" Lyanna yelled, quickly looking over to Arya if she hadn't woken her. "Don't think about work when your family is concerned"

* * *

 

Catelyn looked at Ned when they were undressing her carefully. She was given a hospital gown, and Ned was gratefull for that. The doctors had told Catelyn that they wanted to make a MRI scan from her whole body. Catelyn had asked them if she could come back another time this week because she was rather tired, and.... Ned had not let her speak more. He'd told the doctors that they would make the MRI scan this night, and they all agreed but Catelyn.

"Now lie down and stay as still as possible, mrs. Stark"

Catelyn nodded, and then didn't move anymore. She _hated_ hospitals. Ever since that day her uncle brought her in and she saw her parents both dead laying on that cursed bed next to each other. Cuts and blood and whatever else over their bodies. Catelyn had fainted, she had been told. Her parents died in a carcrash when she was thirteen years old, leaving her traumatizised and scared of driving too fast.

They pushed the 'bed' where she was laying on slowly into a kind of tunnel. Ned had no idea what it was called. Catelyn seemed lifeless on that thing, and Ned felt the urge to run to her and check if she was still breathing.

 

"I just want to go home" she told him on the verge of tears.

She had vomited three times since that MRI scan, and morning was near. She was so, so tired, and now leaned against Ned's chest as they waited for the results.

"We'll wait" he said, and that was it. She started crying silently.

"please, Ned" she begged in a whisper. "I don't want to be in this hospital. I want to go _home_ "

"We have to wait"

"please... it doesn't matter if we wait here or at home. I want to see the childeren. And Benjen and Lyanna have things to attend to"

Ned sighed. "Cat, I-"

"Ned" she looked at him. "please"

* * *

 

 

The doorbell rang, and Benjen rushed to the door. Lyanna was sleeping on the couch.

"what the-" Benjen began to say, but Ned cocked his head towards the woman in his arms.

"She's sleeping" Ned whispered. "I'll bring her to her room and then I'll come downstairs"

 

Not much later Ned, Benjen, and Lyanna were sitting in the living room with something to drink. It was already ten thirthy, and the kids were on school except Arya, who was in the Kindergarten.

Benjen was the first one to speak.

"So what happened?"

"When I came home, I found her vomiting. I knew she was not feeling well this past week, and you know Cat. She doesn't tell a soul when she's feeling miserable. I helped her up and then she started to vomit blood."

"Maybe a throath infection?" Lyanna tried, and Ned looked at her.

"I don't know" he said hoarse. "But I'm scared"

"I understand" Benjen said.

"I took her to the hospital, much to her dislike, and the doctors wanted to make a MRI scan of her whole body" Ned sighed."Catelyn had insisted to do it another time."

"So when are you going?" Lyanna asked.

"We did do the MRI scan, and we waited for the results a few hours, I believe. Then Cat started crying, telling me she wanted to go home... She fell asleep in the car"

"It would make it easier for her if she didn't hate hospitals so much" Lyanna stated

"Why does she hate hospitals?" Benjen asked, and Ned and Lyanna both sighed.

"Her parents died in a carcrash when she was very young. Her uncle brought her to the hospital and since then she hates hospitals. I don't think it got any better when Brandon was in the hospital"

"no" Benjen said softly. "I don't think-"

suddenly they heard someone rushing down the stairs, and Ned got up as soon as possible. He ran to the hallway, and saw red hair in the bathroom. Catelyn was vomiting again. Benjen and Lyanna stood next to him now, and Ned walked closer to Catelyn, helping her up once she was ready. He flushed the toilet, and held Cat close to him. She was crying silently.

Lyanna walked to them, and embraced Catelyn. Cat was smaller and a little thinner, and it almost looked like a motherly thing to hold her like this.

"It's going to be okay" She whispered.

Catelyn chuckled through her tears. "I know, it's just... A flu, I think"

"A bad one" Benjen stated, making Ned look at him. Benjen muttered an apologize.

"Ned" Lya said. "your Phone is ringing"  Ned looked at his Phone. It wasn't really ringing, just buzzing. He answered the call:

 

N: Ned Stark, who's this?

H: Mr. Stark? Yes, I'm Heather, from the hospital. I call to inform you the results from the MRI scan are done. Can you come by?"

Ned looked at Catelyn

N: Y-yeah sure. We'll be there in twenty minutes"

 

Catelyn looked at him.

"Where will we be in twenty minutes?" 

"The hospital. The have the MRI results"

"Shall we go with you?" Lyanna asked, but Cat shook her head.

"Someone has to be here. The kids don't have a key and can't be home alone yet"

"I'll stay here" Benjen said. "Lya, you can go with Cat and Ned"

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mrs. and Mr.  Stark" the woman called Heather said, shaking their hands as they walk into the room. The walls are white, and there's only one desk and three chairs in the room.

"Isn't Lyanna coming in?" Cat asked Ned silently, and Ned shook his head.

"She'll wait outside"

Dr. Heather cleared her throath.

"Mrs. Stark, I-"

"Please call me Catelyn" she said.

Heather nodded. "Catelyn..." she started again. "It seems you indeed just have a flu"

Ned let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"But..." she continued, and both Catelyn and Ned froze. "I'm so sorry to say this...Catelyn... But we found a tumor in your chest. If it spreads it will become a cancer. Breast cancer, likely"

Catelyn brought a hand to her mouth, a sob escaping. The room was spinning around her, and she was gracefull for Ned pulling her out of her chair and holding her tight against her.

"We'll keep her here for further examination" Heather continued, but Cat nor Ned payed attention. She was crying, and so was he...

* * *

Benjen was making dinner. The kids already had returned from school and from the kindergarten, but Ned, Cat, and Lyanna still had not.

"Uncle Ben?" Sansa's voice peeped up from behind him.

"Yes, dear?"

"When will papa and mama be home? They'll miss dinner"

Benjen sighed, and flipped the pancake.

"I don't know" he admitted. "And I don't think they know either"

"Well I'm glad you are here" she said, and Ben couldn't help but smile at his niece.

"Who wants the first pancake?" he asked.

"ME! ME! I WANT THE FIRST PANCAKE!" Arya yelled. "I'm starving!"

Benjen laughed, and shoved the pancake onto Arya's plate which she was holding high into the air.

He was just about to pour the mix in the pan to make another pancake when the front door opened.

"Robb?" Benjen asked the nine-years-old boy. "Could you make this pancake, please? I'll be back in a minute"

 

"Where are they?" Benjen asked her. He saw Lyanna had been crying.

"Cat has to stay in the hospital" she sobbed, and threw herself in her brother's arms.

"What, why? What happened?"

Lyanna looked at the table where the kids were dining. "Maybe we better could get upstairs"

 

Upstairs, Lyanna gestulated Ben to sit down. She opened a window in the over-warmed chamber, and sat down in front op Benjen.

"They said Catelyn had the flu" she started.

"Then why does she have to-"

"They found something else" Lya interrupted him, and she felt tears in her eyes again. "They found a tumor...Catelyn might have cancer"

Benjen shook his head. "gods" he whispered before bringing a hand to his face, sighing deeply.

"Ca- Cat told me that if the kids would ask where she and Ned were, we had to say she was visiting her father in Riverrun because he was going to move out. Or something like that. I had to promise that I would not say that she was ill to any of the kids"

"I understand that..."

"Yeah. gods, and Ned, too. He was crying, Ben. Ned _never_ cries!"

"His wife may have cancer! Why would he not cry? I've never met anyone in my whole damn life who was as happily married as Ned and Cat are" he almost choked on the last words.

"Benjen" Lyanna said sternly, grabbing his arms tightly. "They found a tumor. She will only get cancer if it spreads through her body. And even if that happens, who says she'll die?"

Ben was silent for a while, and then stood up. "I-I'll go downstairs again before Robb burns the kitchen down"

* * *

Catelyn was sitting on her bed in the shared room. There were six beds in the room, from which , save the bed where she slept in, three were used. In the bed next to Cat was laying an older woman, aged around the sixty, he guessed. She had thin, bristle blondish hair, and dark circles beneath her eyes. The other people were younger, but all bald. Ned couldn't stand the thought of a bald Catelyn. Her hair. Her beautiful, red, shiny, thick hair all gone. Everyone in the room was looking at them, he saw. Pityfull. Catelyn hated to be pitied.

He looked at her when he felt her hand tap on his shoulder quite forcefully, startling him.

"Ned..." She managed to say before gagging once. twice. She put a hand to her mouth to keep it in, and Ned quickly grabbed the empty bucket next to Cat's bed. As soon as he handed it to her (he actually held it in front of her) she vomited. a lot. Way too much for his liking. On the end she even puked some blood again. She was crying.

"Cat" he said softly. "I'm here Cat. I'll be with you"

she nodded, and wiped her mouth with the sleave of her blouse. Unlike everyone in this horrid hospital, Catelyn was still wearing her jeans and blouse. Her hair in a loose over her shoulders.

"Why do I deserve this?" she said hoarse, throath hurting.

"None of us deserves this, ma'am." The woman in the bed next to her said, and placed her hand on Cat's.

"I-I..." she had no idea what to say, so the woman simply started a little conversation.

"So what's your name, dear?"

"Catelyn" Cat looked down briefly. "And yours?"

"Karin" she said. "I'm here already for three years... And still nothing changed...I'm sixty-two now."

"Twenty-seven" Catelyn answered. The woman bit her lip.

"Gods..." she said. "I'm sorry"

"I...eh... We've just heard it and..."she fought the tears which welled up again. She felt Ned sqeeze her shoulders softly, and she looked at him, smiling sadly.

so. damn. sadly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. changes and chances

She should be asleep, but she did not care. She was waiting and waiting...Sansa ran to the frontdoor when she heard a car stop. Would mom and dad finally be home again? She opened the door, and flung herself in her mother's arms, followed by an 'oof' from Cat.

"Sweetling" Her mother said, kneeling to her level. She looked different, Sansa saw. oh, she just looked like she used to, but just... different. More tired, and... sad?

"Mommy I missed you" she said. "has grandpa moved already?"

Her mother looked at her questingly, but then shook her head.

"not yet. Soon he will"

At that point Robb ran out, too, and flung himself around his mother's neck, making her throw her arm back to regain her balance.

"Carefull" His father said rather harshly, and Robb muttered an appology. His mother smiled.

"Lets go inside" she said. "You should be asleep. Or at least in bed."

 

Inside, Cat stayed downstairs with Lya and Ben as Ned said goodnight to their childeren. When he went back downstair, he only saw his siblings.

"Where's Cat?"

"Bathroom" Lyanna answered. "She told us to stay here"

Ned sighed, and sank down on the couch. Not much later, Cat walked looking even more pale than she already had. She sat down next to Ned, closing her eyes, and leaning against him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked her softly, and she looked at him.

"I'm fine, I'm fine" she said, making Ned frown. "Just..." She started crying then, almost too soft for anyone to hear. But Ned did, and he held her closer against him. Benjen got up, and came back not much later with a glass of water. He gave it to Catelyn, and briefly placed a hand on her shoulder.

"thanks" Cat said softly, and took a sip from the water before gagging again. She placed a hand in front of her mouth, clutched her eyes close, and swallowed hard. After that, she took a deep breath.

Ned sighed anxiously. "Cat" he said softly. "I'll bring you to bed"

 

He helped her change her clothing, brush her teeth, brush her hair, and helped her into the bed. When he was trying to place the blankets over her body, she laughed softly.

"I can do that, too, Ned" she said amused.

"I know" he said, handing her the edge of the blanket, and kissed her forhead. "Now try and sleep. I placed a bucket next to your bed, in case you might have to vomit again"

she nodded, and closed her eyes, falling asleep almost immediately. He walked outside their room, but stopped in the doorgate, looking at her. He took a deep breath, and left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Downstairs, Benjen and Lyanna sat in silence untill Ned sat down again.

"Jesus, Ned" Benjen started. "I,I..." He felt the tears welling up in his eyes. Lyanna had tears in her eyes too.

There was a silence again, untill Lyanna started speaking again, sounding hoarse.

"So...They examined her? Anything that you didn't know yet?"

"They won't be able to remove the tumor. It's too close to vital organs and way too big" Ned took a deep breath. "They want to try laser sessions to shrink the tumor. If it's small enough they can remove it"

"So there's hope" Lyanna said, a little relieved.

"Not many. There's only a change of 12% that the tumor might shrink. If not it will only grow, which it already is doing"

Benjen rubbed his forhead. "Only 12%?" Ned nodded. "Well at least that's something"

"I know, I know" Ned said. "and we've already made an appointment. Saturday we'll go to the hospital"

"But that's in four days" Lya said. "Why didn't she stay there, just to be sure?"

"You know Cat" Ned said softly. "She insisted that she was already feeling better and that she would go to her work. For distraction, she said"

"Well I can imagine that. I would need _A lot_ of distraction. Is she going tomorrow already?"

"Yes... Though I do not like the idea. What if she keeps throwing up at work? Or if she faints, or-"

"Ned" Lyanna cut him off. "She knows the limit"

"She does not" Ned said. "Remember that time, earlier in our marriage, when Robb fell ill when he was two years old?" Benjen and Lyanna nodded. "Well, she sat at his side for four days. Not eating and not sleeping. On the fifth day, I found her in the morning, lying on Robb's matress. I couldn't wake her up. She was brought to the hospital, brought back the next day, and wasn't allowed ot of bed for. a. month. She didn't even remember it at all"

"you can't stop Catelyn from being herself, you know. If she wants to work, then let her. And if you want to be sure, call one of her colleages, and ask if they can look after her"

"hmm... Maybe I can do that" 

* * *

Catelyn Stark sat behind her desk. She loved her work. Not that it was such a big deal, and not every day was that great, but being a teacher had Always been something she wanted to be. She teaches history in Westeros high school, and her classes are (according to the students) the best.

Now she's watching as the third class of the day is making a test.

"mrs. Stark?"

"yes, Michael?"

"Can you please come over? I have a question"

Catelyn rose from her chair. She felt a little dizzy, but paid no mind to it. She walked to the boy.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Here" he said, pointing to a question in the test. "It says; _How many wives did Henry VIII have?_. But does that mean how many he wed, or how many he had loved?"

"Read it again" she said, and he did as she bid. "See? it says 'wives' that means married, don't you think?" she smiled.

"Oh..Thanks"

She sat back on her chair, playing with a pencil when a knock came from the door. She opened it, and was surprised to see Lyanna standing there.

"Eh... okay, kids. I trust you to be silent. I'll be back in a minute" She walked out of the class room and closed the door behind her.

"What is it?" Cat asked.

"I just came to check on you. How are you feeling?"

"Dizzy" She said. "But I'm fine. It's good to be back and have a little distraction, you know, but...Don't you have to be at work?"

"No I'm free today" Lyanna said. She worked at the police office.

"oh" was all Catelyn said. "So...I really have to get back in"

"Cat, wait" Lyanna grabbed Cat's hand. "Please. Ned asked if I could stay with you today, just to be sure everything's alright"

"Ned asked you that?"

"Yes... Do you not mind?"

"...Ehr...You can sit in the back of the classroom"

"If that's okay?"

"I'll just tell them that you're some sort of inspector, or something like that"

"o-okay"

Cat walked in first, hoping that Lyanna would not turn the lession to a circusevent

"

 

 

 

 

 


	3. room for improvement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry that it is this short ...

Catelyn was making dinner when she heard a call pull over.

"Robb?" she shouted. "Come downstairs, please"

Robb ran down the stairs and then into the kitchen.

"Yes?" he asked. "Am I in trouble?" Cat laughed.

"no." she said. "But I think grandpa is here"

A big smile appeared on his face, and he ran to the door, opening it.

"It's granpa!" he shouted at his mother, and then went out of the house.

 

"Robb!" he embraced the boy. "Gods you've grown"

"Grandpa!" Came Sansa's squeel, and jumped into her grandpa's embrace.

"And you've grown, too."

Catelyn appeared in the doorgate, spatula in her hand.

"Hi" she said. "Come in, Dinner's almost ready"

 

She walked back to the kitchen, and the kids were laughing with their grandfather. Catelyn smiled to herself, and flipped the burgers. Not much later, they all were done eating. Robb went back to his room for homework, Arya was already sleeping, and Ned was bringing Sansa to Lyanna's place for a little 'sleepover', as Sansa called it.

"I've missed you, Cat" he said as they did the dishes.

"I missed you, too, uncle"

 

It was still weird to let her childeren call her uncle Brynden her father. Somethimes it really saddened her; that her kids would never know their real grandparents. But uncle Brynden had kind of taken care of her since then, and her childeren loved him.

"So" Catelyn said as she put the last plate back in the chest. "Can we talk somewhere...eh. Outside maybe?"

"yeah, sure" Brynden said a little confused. Outside they sat down on a gardenchair.

"What do you want to tell me, little Cat?"

"I'm not little anymore, uncle" she said. "But...Ned and I descovered something recently."

"Are you pregnant again?"

"No, no..." she laughed. "That's not it, but." she took a deep breath. "I just recover from the flu, and Ned wanted to go to the hospital when I got it. They'd made an MRI scan, and..." She couldn't help the tears in her eyes, and she hated herself for it.

"What is it? Cat. Tell me?"

"They found a tumor, Uncle. It's likely going to be cancer" She placed her hand against her forhead, fighting the tears.

"gods, Catelyn. I-I'm sorry" He walked over to her side, and hugged her tightly as they used to when she was littler.

"Ju-just don't tell the kids, okay" she sobbed. "I don't want them to know. Not yet"

"I understand" he said, feeling tears in his own eyes now. How could this have happened....

 


	4. lets try it, then

Thank the gods it was weekend! All the kids were gone from the house, Unle Brynden was back home again, and Lyanna and Benjen went back to their own lives. Ned had missed Catelyn's company. She was Always busy with the kids, her job, or the Household, but today, she was his.

"Ned?" she yelled from the kitchen.

"Yes?"

"Do you want red or white wine?"

"What you want"

She walked back to the couch with two wineglasses and a bottle of red wine. She poured in for both of them, and sat on the couch, leaning against Ned.

" I love you, Ned"

"I love you, too"

"I missed time together"

"Yeah, me too"

"So..."

"So..."

Their silence bothered him. He had never been talkative, but they Always had _something_ to say. He looked at her, only to find her staring back.

"Cat" Her name sounded low in his throath.

"I need you" she said, and leaned in for a kiss. She tasted of wine and sweetness, and he deepened the kiss.

"I need you more" He wanted her so much. So, so much

* * *

 

 Robb was making homework. he, as the nine years old that he is, would rather go outside playing soccer or go over to some friends. He sighed.  Calculating was his least favorate, and it happened he had a _lot_ of that. He wrote down the last few sums, and closed his book. When he wanted to put on his computer, many things happened at the same time.

His mother was shouting

A plate crashed on something

His father was shouting

Arya was crying

Sansa was crying...

  
Robb walked (ran) downstairs, and stopped in the doorway of the living room. His father saw him first.

"Robb. Take your sisters and go upstairs" he said sternly. Robb quickly lifted Arya and held Sansa's hand as they walked upstairs quickly. After that, he walked back downstairs, trying not to be seen.

"Cat, please calm down!" His father shouted, trying to take his mother's arms. She stepped back.

"How. Dare. You. Leave. Me?!" she exclaimed, throwing a glass at his father's head. He dodged it, and ran to his mother who was sinking to the floor, crying.

"Get out" she sobbed.

"Catelyn, please. I-"

"Get. OUT!" She pushed him away from her, and then placed her head in her hands...

His father stared at his mother, then shook his head, and left the room.

"Dad?" Robb asked as he met his father in the hallway. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, Robb. Just...Go make your homework"

"I'm done with it"

"Hmpfh" His father sighed deeply. "We'll talk later, okay"

"Okay, but dad?"

"Yes?"

"You'll tell me if something is wrong, right?"

Ned nodded, and then left his son behind.

 

He found his wife in the bathroom not long after. He opened the door only far enough to see her bent over the toilet again. He sat down next to her, rubbing her back as she vomited...

"Cat" he said when she sank back against the towelcloset. "Cat, I'm sorry"

"No, I'm sorry" she said. "I never should have done what I did"

"I never should leave you... Certainly not now"

"It's your job" she said softly.

"And you're my wife. You are more important" She smiled a little.

"I-I just don't know what to do..." she started crying again. "I'm scared, Ned"

he was too. But he would not admit it. This business trip would be over in two weeks. Maybe he could arrange not to go at all. Whatever happened, he would support his wife. Through E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. 


	5. For The Love You Bear Me

The week flew by. She went to work, Ned went on his business trip, and the kids were busy with school (Except Arya, who was still in the Kindergarten.) Catelyn packed her back, checking it once again.   _Phone, ID-card, drivers licence, keys... Where's my wallet?_ She searched, found it beneath Robb's jacket, and put it into her back. She sighed deeply before walking out of the house and stepping into her car. She had taken a free day today, for usually she had meetings on Saturday, but today she had to go to the hospital for the laser sessions, or whatever they would call them. She and Ned had planned to go the previous week, but they were simply too busy.

She started the car, and rode to the hospital...

Inside, there were standing a few nurses which she greeted softly.

"hi" one of them said, brown haired and green eyed, when Catelyn stopped in front of her. "Can I help you, ma'am?"

"Ehr, yes. I..I'm looking for dr. Luwin?"

"oh, yes" the other nurse said. "You're here for a laser session?" the look she gave Catelyn was pityful.

"I am"

"name, please?"  the brown haired nurse said kindly.

"Stark. Catelyn Stark"

"Tully Stark?"

Catelyn nodded.

"Would you please follow me, ma'am?"  The nurse said, and started walking through the halls, followed by Catelyn. They walked next to each other. Catelyn felt nauseous. The smell of hospitals made her want to retch, and all kind of memories came to her mind. _Her parents, both lifeless and dead on the hospital beds. Brandon, dying slowly and in coma after getting into a fight when he had drunken too much..._

"Are you okay, ma'am?"  The nurse asked.

"Mh?" Catelyn was suddenly aware that they had stopped.

"Ma'am? You stopped walking. Are you alright? Would you like to sit down?"

"I'm fine" she managed to say. "I just.... Don't like hospitals that much"

"I understand" the nurse said, "I think no one likes hospitals, ma'am...Now if you would follow me again?"

They continued walking in silence utill they reached a small waiting room which was empty.

"Dr. Luwin will be ready for you in ten minutes" the nurse said before leaving her alone. Catelyn looked around. It was all so white and bald and ugly...She picked her Phone out of her back. She had a message;

N: Love you, Cat. pls call me when you're ready. Good luck Xx

she smiled, and typed an answer.

C: I will. Love you xxx.

She checked a few mails from work and read the news on her IPhone untill the small door opened.

"Mrs. Stark?" Catelyn nodded, and stood up.

"Come in, come in" the docter said. Inside, they sat down. He shook her hand.

"Dr. Luwin" he said, introducing himself.

"Catelyn"

"so...Do you want to talk first or just begin or-"

"Just begin" she cut him off. "I just want to be gone here as soon as possible"

Surprisingly, he smiled at that.

"Ofcourse, ma'am." he pointed at another door back in the room. "You can change your clothes there. There's a hospitalgown in there. It's the only thing you must wear, understood?"

She nodded, and walked to the dressing room. Not much later, she came back. Feeling very uncomfortable in that shapeless, thin gown. She took a deep breath as Luwin walked her to something like a bed, but with handles and buttons. She shivered as she layed down on the cold material. Luwin walked over to the left side of the room, sitting down in front of a desk with a huge monitor and an enourmous display of buttons. She looked at him.

"So what exactly is going to happen?" she asked.

He turned his chair to face her, and pointed to a greyish cube on the ceiling above her. "my computer will send a signal to the laser. It is a safe radiation but will shrink the tumor and we will be able to see the process better...Ready?"  he asked the last part as he turned back to his computor.

She mumbled a 'yes' and took a deep breath as the laser above her shone on her body.

* * *

She heard keys ringel and the front door opened. Her mother walked in slowly, closing the door firmly behind her. She threw her bag on the couch, brought a hand to her hair, and said something Sansa couldn't hear before sanking on the ground, crying.

"Mommy?" Her mother looked shocked towards her.

"Sansa! What are you doing here?" her mother quickly brushed her tears away and rose. "Why are you not at school?"

"why were you crying?" she asked. Catelyn lifted her

"Doesn't matter" her mother replied. "But why are you not at school?"

"Uncle Benjen picked me up because I wasn't feeling well...He's picking up Robb now..."

 

Catelyn stared at her oldest daughter, and sighed deeply. _Fine._ She thought. _Three days laser session in a row. Everyday a new session, and Sansa has to fall ill just now Ned is gone?!_ She hated herself to think like this, but it was just too much. Tears welled up in her eyes again, and she placed Sansa down.

"Go back to bed, sweetling" she choked out, but Sansa kept standing there, looking at her mother.

"Why are you crying, mommy? Did you fall, too?"

Catelyn laughed trough her tears. Sansa had fallen two days ago and had cried for over an hour!

"no, sweetling, I did not fall...Just...go to bed, okay? I will be there soon"

 

As Sansa walked upstairs, The front door opened again. This time, Robb and Benjen walked in.

"Hi mom" was the only thing Robb said before rushing upstairs. Catelyn sighed, and Benjen hugged her.

"And?" he asked her when they sat down. "Any further news from the hospital?"

She shakes her head. "I...I don't know what to do, Ben" she sobs. "I have those _stupid_ laser sessions e-ve-ry day! I can't do that, and work, and do the Household, and take care of the kids..."

"Shh" he soothes her. "You'll be fine, Cat" he hugs her again. "You'll be fine"

She snifs. "I'm just so fucking tired. I can't do this. I can't spend everyday in a fucking hospital! It's just a prison with sick people"

She desolved into tears, and he held her. He wished Ned was here. he knew she needed him desperately. Catelyn sat up then, dried her tears, and rose from the couch. He looked at her.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Sansa" she said. "I told her I would come to her soon. I think she's waiting for me" She smiled tiredly, and walked upstairs after hugging him closely nd thanking him for picking the kids from school. Upstairs, Sansa was indeed waiting in her room, sitting against the Disney pillow she got for her last birthday.

"Sansa"  she sat down next to her. "How are you, sweetling?" Cat felt her forhead which was a little warm.

"I'm not feeling well, mommy" she said softly. "Just like you"

Catelyn stared at her almost six-years-old daughter. "W-what do you mean, sweetling, I'm fine"

"You're a horrible liar" she said. _Oh Gods. She sounds so like Ned._ Ned Always told her exactly that sentence when she lied. Catelyn sighed.

"I'm fine, Sansa. But you should get some sleep now" she kisses Sansa's forhead.

Sansa yawned, and Catelyn smiled.

"Sleep well, sweetling"

"Bye, mommy"

Catelyn closed the door of Sansa's room to find Robb looking at her from his room.

"Hi" she greeted him. "How was school"

"Meh" he said, looking at her, frowning. "Mom?"

"Yes?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, why?"

"You've been crying"

"No, I've not" she tried to smile, but failed.

"Mom...You've got mascara on your cheeks"

"Oh, that" she placed her hand on her right cheek. "That...happened when I..." She had no idea what to say, so she simply sighed, and walked into his room, closing the door.

"Robb" she said, gestulating him to sit down next to her on his bed.

"Mom?"

She blinked a few times to keep the tears out of her eyes. "I want you to promise me that you won't tell your anyone, okay? Including your sisters"

"And father?"

"He knows" she took a shaky breath. "I've not been well the last few weeks, you've noticed that, right?"

"I have, but-"

"Robb" she took his hand in hers. "I'm ill"

"Ill? Like a fever? Or like the flu? You'll get better" She almost smiled.

"Not that kind of ill, Robb. Really ill. But I can't feel it yet"

"Then how do you know you're ill?"

"Your father and I have been to the hospital, and-"

"Hospital? when?"

"Shhh Robb, be quiet... You'll wake Sansa" She sighed. "The docters there found something right here" she said, placing her finger against his chest"

"Found what? Mom. Please stop being unfair. Just tell me!" He never shouted, but he knew his mom Always went straight to the point. This was not like her.

"A tumor, Robb!" she shouted back. "They found a tumor" she said now more quietly and hoarse. Robb's jaw dropped.

"mom. A-are you sure?"

She nodded. "I'm visiting the hospital every day to get it out of my body" There were tears on her cheeks, and he hugged her.

"Oh, Robb" she sobbed, "I'm so sorry"

"I am too" he said, confusing her.

"For what?"

"For the same as you"

"What? You've done nothing to be sorry for"

"Neither have you, mom. You can't help it"

She smiled through her tears. "I love you, Robb"

"I love you, too, Mom"

 

 


	6. Finding A Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment and tell me what you thought of it. Comments are more than welcome :)

His Phone rang a few times, and when he wanted to answer the call, Robert took the Phone out of his hand, declining the call.

"What the fuck, Robert" he said. "Give me back my Phone"

"Ned, please. You need to relax! All you do is stress around. Have a little fun"

"Robert, please. I need my Phone"

"You'll get it back on the end of the day"

"Please. I don't expect you to understand, but my wife _does_ love me. And I promised to call her."

"Eddard Stark" Robert placed Ned's cellphone in his pocket. "Your wife" he said. "Can wait"

_No, she can not._

"Robert!"

"ah, come on, Ned. The Italians agreed to our offer. We have a deal! We have to celebrate that"

"I'll celebrate that with my wife and childeren"  he said shortly. "I want to go home. I don't want to stay here any longer" _And Cat needs me..._

* * *

Catelyn woke up at the feeling of the matress dipping in on her right.

"Go back to sleep" she mumbled sleepily. "It's too early"

But it was none of the kids. She turned around when she felt those huge, warm hands on her shoulder.

"Ned!" she sat up. "What are you doing here? I thought you-"

He cut her off with a kiss. "I missed you"

"I missed you too" she said, smiling at him. Then she layed down again, yawning.

"Still tired, my love?" he asked her.

"I am" she admitted. "What time is it?"

"eight in the morning, why?"  She sat up at once.

"Fuck" she cursed under her breath.

"Cat, what is it?" he asked her as she quickly dresses, did her hair and make-up, and put her shoes on.

"I have an oppointment at the hospital at eight thirthy. It's a twenty minute drive to the hospital"

"I'll make you coffee" he said, rising. She kissed his cheek, muttered a 'thank you' and started collecting things to put in her bag. She rushed downstairs where Ned handed here a mug of coffee. She stopped her motion.

"Where are you going?" she asked, looking at him, fully dressed and coat on.

"I'm going with you, Cat" She sipped her coffee.

"I'll drive" she says. "You Always drive too fast when we run out of time"

"That's not-"

The look she shot him meant 'no arguing', and he followed her outside after placing a note on the desk for the kids.

_We'll be back later this afternoon._

_Loves, Mom & Dad_

 

They got into the car quickly, Cat driving. she started the motor, and rode away.

"I truly did miss you" Ned said after a minute or five"

"I did, too" She looked at him briefly before  focusing on the road again.

"What kind of appointment do you have?"

"Test results" she said softly. "We'll talk about it once we're _out_ of this car"

He sighed. He knew she had had those laser session last Saturday, but he didn't understand how they could actually have a result already after one time. Maybe she had gone there more times, but she hadn't told him that... Once the car was parked, he and Catelyn walked inside.

"Ah, Mrs. Stark" an old man, greyed and balding said.

"Dr. Luwin" She greeted him.

"I see you've brought company, ma'am" he said, looking at Ned.

Ned shook his hand. "Ned Stark. Her husband"

"Hi" Luwin smiled at them. "Shall we? The results are being printed. They should be given to me in a few minutes. I hope you don't mind"

"No, no" Cat said, clearly nervous. "It's okay"

"Will you follow me to my office?" Lywin asked, and Catelyn nodded, following the doctor. Ned walked next to her. Once in Luwin's office, Ned and Catelyn sat down next to each other. It was a simular office to dr. Heather's. There was a short beeping sound, and Luwin rose.

"I'll be right back. The results are printed. I'll pick them up" He left, and Ned turned to Catelyn.

"Now can you please tell me which results?"

"results of the laser sessions"

"Sessions? I thought you only had one?"

she shook her head and looked down. "I've had one every day"

He looked at her. "Every day?" she nodded.

"Ofcourse everyday. If I want that tumor to shrink I have to come here every day. Guess you should have known that. They now will tell if it's small enough to remove" There were tears in her eyes, and she quickly brushed them away when the door opened.

Luwin sat down again. "Shall I tell you or would you like to read it yourself, ma'am?"

She looked at Ned briefly. "mmmmmyself"

He handed her the results paper. It were images of her breast and back. She looked at it before reading. It was very weird to actually look at your own body that way. Though she saw nothing special in the images, the text shocked her. The tumor in her back had only shrunk a little bit, and was still too big to remove safely. She looked at Luwin

"And now?" she asked, voice hoarse and soft. She handed the results to Ned so he could read them, too.

"We can't continue the laser sessions, ma'am. Too many can be dangerous, for you've been here now everyday... We would, with your constent, start a chemotherapy"

"Cat?" Ned placed a hand on hers, looking at her with watery eyes. She squeezed his hand.

"Chemotherapy?" She asked Luwin. "As in, it's a cancer so we're doing chemotherapy?"

Luwin nodded sadly, and a sob escaped Cat's lips. Ned rose from his chair, lifted Catelyn on her feet and hugged her tightly.

"Oh Gods" she sobbed, clinging to him as if she might fall.

"If you want to do the chemotherapy, which I strongly advise, we can start this Friday"

"Two days... Why wait?"

"Preperations, mr. Stark. Ofcourse we could keep mrs, Stark here untill then, and-"

"I don't want to stay here" she said softly.

"Excuse me, ma'am?"

"I said I don't want to stay here" Ned placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Cat, I think it's better if you stay here. What if something happened. I assume dr. Luwin here understands that you rather go home. You should listen to him. He's a doctor, Cat. We're not."

"But-"

"Catelyn, please sit down. You're shaking" She sat down, and he continued. "It's two days, Catelyn. It's for your own good" he took a deep breath. "And I don't want anything to happen while there's no one around to help you."

"I..." She looked at Luwin. "Do I have to stay?"

"I recommend it, ma'am."

"And then I can go home on Friday?"

"We'll see, ma'am. It depends on how fast your body reacts to the chemo."

"So you'll stay here, Cat" Ned said sternly. "No more will be said of it"

"But the kids!" she exclaimed. "Ned, you can't go to work and leave the kids alone at home. You damn know that!"

"I'll ask Lya or Ben"

"They have lives, too! You can't Always let it come down on them! I can't stay here..." She was breathing heavily, and then she rose again.

"I need a fresh air" was the only thing she said before grabbing her bag and fleeing Luwin's office.

Now there were more people in the waiting room, and they all looked at her. They probably had heard her shouting, or it were just the tears on her face and in her eyes. She had no idea where the exit was, so she just turned left.  People kept looking at her as she walked through the halls, crying and nearly hyperventilating.  Finally outside, she took a long, deep breath. Her breathing was shaking, and she felt lightheaded. How could Ned expect her to actually _sleep_ in a hospital?! She was furious, sad, afraid, angry, and everything else at the same time, and she truly had no idea what to do.

She walked to their car, and stepped in at the passenger's side. _Ned can drive..._ She thought... After half an hour, Ned still hadn't come out of the hospital, so she piked her Phone out of her bag, and dailed Ned's number.

N: Hello, Ned Stark here?

C: Yes, hi... Where are you.

N: Cat?

C: Yes. Can you please come outside. I want to go home and I'm not in state to drive.

N: No, Cat. You come inside. In the first place because you forgot your coat...

Damn it.

N:  And in the second place because we're not finished yet. Dr. Luwin is waiting and so am I. There are much things to discus.

C: I'm not coming inside, Ned. Fuck my coat...You can take a cab. I'll just drive myself.

N: No, no. Cat wait, I-.

She hung up the Phone, put the keys in the keyhole, and drove out of the parking place. She was crying on her way home. Slamming the dashboard with her fists and shaking. She felt empty, and yet filled with all kind of emotions.

She pulled over in front of their house. A cab was parked. Fuck.

 

 

 

 

 


	7. All This and Everything Else

He hears a car pull over in front of their house. _Weird._ He thought. _I thought the cab was already gone._ He looked outside to see Catelyn step out of her car. She's still crying, he sees, and she wipes her eyes before walking into the house. He greets her, but she ignores him.

"Catelyn, please, sit down"

"Don't talk to me" she says coldly and half a sob.

He says nothing. He knows that when she's angry, really angry, he should let her be for a while. He watches her throw her bag aside and walk to the kitchen. She opens one of the cabinets above the dresser and take the medical box out.

"What are you doing?" he asked, a little worried about what exactly she's going to do.

"None of your business" she replies, not looking at him while filling a glass of water. She picks a few pills from a little box and from medicinestraps, and swallows them with the water. Just being who she is, she perfectly cleans everything up again, and disappears from his sight. Ned sighed, moving his hands over his face.

"Daddy?" Arya stands in front of him. Sansa followes after her younger sister. Arya sits down on his lap and Sansa sits next to him on the couch.

"Yes, sweetling?"

"Why is mama sad?" Sansa asked. "She won't talk"

"Why does mommy cry?" Arya asks, snuggling closer to Ned's chest, leaning against it. Ned sighed.

"Mama is not feeling well, sweetling] he says softly. "And she won't feel much better soon"

"Is mama ill?" Sansa asks.

"Yes...But a different kind of ill"

"What kind of ill?"

"Sansa..." Ned looks to his right to see Catelyn leaning against the wall. "Stop questioning your father"

"But-"

"I mean it, Sansa" she walks toward her daughter and picks her up. Ned looks at her.

"Catelyn, I-"

"I still don't want to talk to you" She says, starting to walk away with Sansa, but he grabs her free arm. She puts Sansa down carefully, looking daggers at him.

"Sansa take your sister upstairs to play or something" Ned says while Catelyn tries to pull her hand from his grasp.

"Let me go, Ned" she hisses.

"After you've listened to what I have to say"

"I already know what you want to say" she says coldly, watching Sansa and Arya walk out of the room.

"Sit down, Cat"

"I'm standing where I want to stand, must I remind you women have rights, too?"

"Gods! Don't you understand?! I only want what's the best for you! In that hospital you can get every care you need."

"What's the best for me is being right here with my family and the people I love! Not to stay two days in a fucking hospital to be reminded I'm sick all the time!" She slammed her fist against the wall, and then wiped away her tears. He rose from the couch, and stepped a little closer. And a little more, and a little more, untill he was holding her. To his surprise, she let him, and she began to sob against his chest.

* * *

After ten minutes of waiting, Luwin opened the door, and asked Catelyn and Ned to come in. Ned rose first, but Catelyn stayed were she was, looking up at him nervously. He took her hand in his and pulled her up. In silence they walked inside the room where she and Ned had been before. It was the shared room with the six beds. The last time four were taken, including her own bed. Now, there was only one person in there.

"Karin?" The woman nodded.

"I had hoped not to see you here again" she said, looking at Ned and Catelyn both.

"Me neither" Cat said, taking a deep breath.

"If you would sit down, ma'am" dr. Luwin said, gestulating towards the hospital bed next to Karin's. Catelyn sat down, and Ned sat down on the bed at the other side of the small room. Luwin was holding a plastic bag with transparant liquid in it. He attached it to a long tube, and hung the bag to a kind of hallstand. The end of the tube was attached to another tube, but smaller. Catelyn looked at it, and then at Luwin, wide eyed.

"What are you going to do with that?" She asked, a little paniced.

"This little tube" he said, touching the smaller tube on the end. "Is going to be inserted in your hand, ma'am. Then we can insert the chemo easier."

"In my hand? B-but I can still use it, right?" Luwin nodded. "It will not cause you much trouble, ma'am"

"I sometimes forget it's there" Karin put in. "Luwin, maybe you can show it on me, mine needs to be changed anyway. Then she can see how it works"

"Are you sure?" Catelyn asked her. "You don't have to-"

"You're scared, child" Karin said. "You can see how it's going to happen" Catelyn smiled gratefully, and watched how Luwin first replaced the bag on the 'hallstand' and then easily inserted the tube in Karin's hand. She didn't even flinch or grimace.

But Catelyn nearly screamed out when Luwin placed that horrible tube in her right hand.

"I'm sorry, ma'am... I really am" he quickly said, putting pressure on her hand to stop the little bloodstain which ran from her hand. "But your veins are deep. It's hard to find a right one." He tried again, but this time it hurt even more, and Catelyn turned away, not able to see someone writting in her hand with a tube. She felt dizzy, and Ned held her in his arms. After what seemed ages, Luwin finally managed to get the tube in right, and made sure the liquid could creep into her blood.  
Catelyn sighed heavily when she lay down on the hospital bed. Ned sat down next to her, bringing his hand through her hair. With teary eyes she smiles at him.

"I wish I could go home" she said, and Ned's face darkened.

"You'll stay here, Cat"

"I know" she sighed. "I'm not stupid, Ned. Ofcourse I can't come home with a coatstand or go to work like this...I just...wish I could"

"oh, Cat" He hugged her tightly but gentle as tears fell down her face.

"I can't do this, Ned...I can't, I can't, I can't..."

He let go of her, then, and placed both his hands on her upperarms. "Cat" he started. "I've known you for almost ten years now. And you never, ever, ever were unable to do something. You _can_ do this, my love."

"This is different! It's not some extra work or taking care of three kids at the same time...it's not the fucking same!" She was shaking, and her right hand hurted like hell. She took a few deep breaths.

"What will you tell the kids?" she asked.

"mmh?"

"The kids. What will you tell them? Surely they will wonder where I am. What will you say?"

"That you're sleeping in the hospital. I would not lie to them, Catelyn"

"They will worry"

"They will worry more if they don't know where you are!"

"Shhh, Ned, be quiet"

"No! would you have prefered if your parents lay dying in a hospital, and you could see them one last time, or would you hear it after they were dead and you wouldn't know that there was a last chance to talk to them? What would you rather want?!"

"It's not the same, Ned!!" she exclaimed. "I'm not dying! _not yet_! I don't want them to worry untill we're sure of things! " she looked at him angrily. "And you have no idea how it was to see my parents laying there, dying on a hospital bed" She was speaking softly now, a little hoarse.  "My father bleeding to death by a piece of metal piercing through his body, and my mother, almost unrecognizable with her face shattered and broken bones...Do you think that was nice to see. I couldn't say them goodbye, or that I loved them. I could do nothing...I would rather have heard they died in an accident and hadn't suffered much by an instant death. But I saw them, Ned. I saw them suffering. I don't want my childeren to see me suffering...."

Everyone was quiet. Karin, Luwin and Ned all staring at her. Cat had never told him this. _Ofcourse she hadn't told him about it! Look at the pain in her eyes while she tells it!_ He felt guilty for shouting at her and bringing the subject on.

"Cat, I-I...I'm sorry, I-"

"It's okay" she whispered, eyes in a faraway place. He knew she still dreamed about it. Some nights she would cry out for someone to not leave her, and to stay with her and that she was sorry and that she loved them and...

Ned looked at Luwin who looked at Catelyn sadly.

"ma'am" he nodded at her. "I'll leave you alone. You can call with that button next to the bed if you have need of me"

"Thank you" she said softly, but did not look at him. Luwin left, and Ned kissed her forhead.

"I have to pick up the kids... Shall I return later?" he asked, but she shook her head.

"No, stay with them...I'll call you"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, yes... Now go. The kids are waiting, ser"

he smiled, kisses her briefly, and left Catelyn alone with Karin.

"I'm sorry" Karin said. "About your parents"

"oh" Catelyn said softly. "tha-that was a long time ago..."

"Still. It's not  pleasent thing to hear. to _see_ it must have been horrible"

"I was thirteen when my uncle brought me to the hospital that night."

"Thirteen? Oh, my"

"Then my uncle got depressed..." she looked at Karin fully. "I had to take care for my two siblings by myself. Plus that I just started high school... It was a rough time"

"I understand" Karin said loudly. "No one should have such a rough time"

"You're having one"

"So have you"

"You're already here for a few years! I'm here just one day"

"And many to come, my dear. It's horrible, I admit, but... You'll get used to it. You'll make new friends with other patients or nurses... I really like that dr. Luwin" She winks, and Catelyn smiles.

* * *

 

Ned has picked up Arya from Kindergarten, and now drives to the primary school. Robb and Sansa are waiting inside with their PE teacher, mrs. Tarth. She smiles as Ned approaches.

"Thanks for waiting" he says to the much taller woman.

"No problem" she ruffles Robb's hair. "They're really nice kids"

"Oh, now they are" he laughs, and takes Sansa's hand.

"Where's mama?" she asks, and Ned stiffens. He wanted to tell them, but not here.

"Mommy is ill" Robb says, and Ned goes pale.

"Ill?" Sansa asks.

"Very ill. She told me herself"

"She told you about..." Ned asked.

"That... eh.. thing in her chest, right?"

"Yes" Ned felt himself go shaky. Cat had told Robb about it?

"Mr. Stark, are you okay? Shall I get you a glass of water?"

"No, that's not ne-"

"Sit down, mr. Stark. You're clearly not feeling well... Kids, you can go into the classroom and play or draw some" Robb and Sansa ran off, Leaving Mrs. Tarth and Ned alone. She filled a plastic cup with water, and handed it to him.

"You're wife, Catelyn, is ill?"

Ned nodded. Perhaps it was usefull that the teachers would know. In case the were too distracted, or something happened, or...No... Cat wasn't going to die. Unwanted, tears appeared in his eyes.

"She's in the hospital now"

" Is it that bad?"

"Cancer" he choked out, and looked down.

"Jesus...I'm sorry, I...sorry." The huge woman had Always been fond of Catelyn. He knew that. It was also a shock for her.

_She doesn't even know Cat that well!_

No, it was unfair to think like this...It would be a shock for everyone, cause everyone liked Cat.

He sighed. "I..I should go now" he called Robb and Sansa, thanked mrs. Tarth once again, and drove home.

_Without Cat once again..._

 

 

 

 


	8. A New Way of Living

Thank the gods, Catelyn was allowed to go home after a week in that horrid hospital. Luwin said the chemo was doing it's work.  She was happy to go home, even when it was a huge mess when she got home. She laughed out loud when her kids, Ned, Benjen and Lyanna hugged her tight. But no matter how much they'd missed each other, Ned had to work and their kids had to go to school, so she decided to go to work too. After two hours the first breaksignal went off, and all the kids streamed out of the classroom. Catelyn walked to the staffroom. No one was there yet, so she made herself a good cup of coffee, and took a sip when a few of her colleagues walked in.

"Catelyn!" Mr. Baelish rushed to her, and kissed her cheeks. "How are you? Have you been sick lately? You've not been present past two week"

"I...was ill, yes" She smiled fakily, and walked to the table where now sat several teachers. She sat down next to Renly Baratheon, an English teacher.

"Hey Catelyn" he smiled at her. "Back again?" she nodded, and sipped her coffee. She ad missed the chaos in the staffroom. Someone who didn't know where the spoons were, or someone had spilled coffee, or just the sociability of being together. Cat drank some more coffee, but suddenly felt horrible. She quickly put her cup down, and rushed to the sink where she retched a few times, and then vomited. She stilled for a while before flushing it away with water and leaning on the edge of th sink untill a few of her colleagues helped her down on a chair where she brought a hand to her hair. She felt a strand coming loose at she did so. She felt tears in her eyes and now on her cheeks.

"Catelyn? Catelyn what is it?"

"Are you alright?"

"What's wrong?"

"Can we help you?"

"Shall we get a doctor?" 

All kind of questions were asked her, but she simply couldn't speak. She felt Renly's hand on hers.

"It's just..." she managed to say before disolving into tears. "I-I...I should go. The break is almost over and-"

"You want to teach like this?" Lilian, economics teacher, shook her head. "No way. You'll go home. You can't teach when you're ill"

 _ill..._ She thought. _How could they possibaly understand what was going on?_

"I can't go home" she lied, wiping her tears away. "I don't have a key right now and my husband is at work untill three ó clock"

Renly sighed. "How much classes do you have left?

"Five to go"

"After those hours you will go home, promise?"

"But the meeting!"

"I'll mail you everything that is said"

"No. I've already missed two meetings. If I'll stay home much longer they'll replace me, you know that"

"You can't work when you're sick, Catelyn" Lilian said, kneeling next to her.

"I can't stay home for the rest of my life!" She exclaimed angrily.

"You don't have to... Don't overreact. In a few days you'll feel better, you'll see"

Catelyn snorted. "Few days, yeah sure" she placed her head in her hands again, taking a deep breath. Everyone was still looking at her.

"Don't be so negative"

"I've spend the last two weeks in a fucking hospital! Am I supposed to jump around in happiness?!" She brought a hand to her mouth. She had not wanted to say anything about the past two weeks. Before someone could say anything, the bell rang, and Catelyn rushed out of the staffroom to her classroom.

That hour, she couldn't concentrate at all. She had given the kids an extra excercise to practice for their test, and she was staring down at the tests of the previous class. Some of the tests were made very well, and others had nothing right. She wanted to write down something, but then her red pen was empty. She scribbled it on a loose paper to test it, but it didn't work anymore. Lost in frustration, she threw the pen through the classroom into the trashcan. Half the class stared at her.

"Mrs. Stark?"

"Not now. Go back to work"

"But-"

"I said not now"

 No one had seen mrs. Stark like this before. Normally she was a happy person, never angry (unless someone was really rude) This was really unlike her. The rest of the lession, no one said something, and five minutes before the bell rang, mrs. Stark spoke.

"I'm sorry, kids" she said, sounding truly sorry. "I'll give no homework to make up." She smiled when a loud cheering came from the students.

After the fouth hour, Catelyn had no intention to go back to the staffroom. She stayed in her own classroom, cleaning up some papers on the floor, placing the tables against each other and not higgledy-piggledy. Catelyn sighed, and sat down in her chair, leaning on her hand and looking around. There was a picture on her desk of Ned and the kids. She looked at it, smiling sadly. How could the kids possabily understand what was going on? What if they thought she was just abandoning them? No. Robb would understand, right? He's almost ten, and-

"Catelyn?" She had not heard the door open. She looked up from her thoughts to see Lyanna in her police uniform walking into the classroom.

"Lyanna? What are you doing here?"

"Checking on you...How are you? They said you've vomited"

"Why would they tell you that?"

"When I walked into the staffroom, ofcourse everyone questioned me why the police would be here. I told them I was looking for you, that we are family, and then the stoked me with questions about your health and what was going on..."

"What did you tell them?" She asks, not wanting her colleagues to know what was going on with her.

"I told them that was not for me to say"

"Good. I won't tell them anyway. Not yet, for sure"

"hm....But, how are you?"

"I'm okay, only the chemo really has side effects"

"Like what?" She asked Cat. She knew some of them, ofcourse.

"Well I'm just feeling nauseous and awful and...I....Just pulled out a strand of hair, Lyanna. I don't want to get bald..."

"Don't worry, Cat. You can't see it.  And it will take a long time before you're bald"

"I just..." she took a deep breath. "I just don't want anyone to know. I don't want their pity. But it's so Obvious! Or they'll think I'm sick or they'll think I'm pregnant again. Both will cause them to send me home! I'm the youngest teacher here, Lya. They will throw me out of the system as soon as they have the chance!"

"They won't. The kids love you!"

"That would help if they were my boss"

"Cat, sorry. I just came to see how you were."

"I'm fine, I told you, but...Are you busy with work?"

"No I'm finished. I came by on my way home"

"D-do you want to stay here? Just untill the break is over?"

Lyanna smiled. "Sure! Why not?"

"I don't know... Maybe you wanted to go home or something instead of just sitting here with me"

"Cat, I love spending time with you. and I think we need to talk a bit"

"mhhh" Cat sighed. "What do you want to talk about, then?"

"About you being away the whole time now and Ned's work... Who's going to take care of the kids?"

"Ned and I are already searching for someone, but-"

"But you don't want a stranger?"  Catelyn nodded.

"Maybe I can ask Benjen. He doesn't have a real job, so he has a lot of time"

"But I don't want him...or you, to take care of our kids because we simply can't! It's unfair for the both of us"

"It's unfair what you're going through!" Lyanna exclaimed. "You're goddamn twenty-seven! That's way to young to die from such a horrible thing"

"I'm not going to die!" She shouted. "I can't! I won't die because of this, okay! I won't!"

"Mrs. Stark?" Catelyn turned to see one of her students standing there.

"Kevin?" He was a first year student. "Can I help you?" The boy looked a little pale.

"N-no, no...I...I'll go" He rushed away quickly.

"Fine.." Catelyn slammed her fist against the wall. "Now the whole school will know about it"

"They would find out anyway"

"But not yet!"

"Catelyn it's not likely to be known by everyone in a mere second. And they don't know anything, really"

"I hope you're right" Cat looked at her watch. "Break is almost over. I should prepare... I thank you, Lya"

" No problemo" Lyanna hugged her goodsister, and walked out of the classroom.

* * *

That night, when Ned walked upstairs, he found catelyn laying in their bed, reading a book.

"Hi" he greeted, and she mumbled someting in return, but not looking away from the book.

"How was your day?" She asked him then, putting her book away.

"Busy...Robert keeps pushing me to do more business trips. I told him no, Cat. I want to be here with you"  He kissed her lips softly, and was taken aback by the passion in the kiss which she returned.

"I want you" She breathed. "So much" He grinned at her, and kissed her once again. She was pulling his shirt off, and he laughed at how quickly she managed to do so.

"Impatient, are we?" he teased, and she smirked.

"Very" She started to pull his pants down then, letting it fall to his ankles so he could kick them off. She undressed herself quickly, and then flung herself in his arms, kissing his chest and moving lower and lower.

"You're so hard" She said huskily, and the moan that escaped her lips when he brushed his thumb against her nipple made his cock twitch.

They hadn't made love since a very long time, and the longing in both of them came out all at once. He pushed inside her, making her cry out in pleasure. In a few thrusts, he came apart, moaning loudly, driving her over the edge, too. They lay together, limbs tingling and shaking. They panted, and Ned rolled of her, but kept looking at her.

"You're an amazing woman, Cat" He said.

"I love you"

"I love you, too."

He smiled, and kissed her forhead softly before falling into an easy sleep.


	9. How Big Is The Chance?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter! sorry guys

It started with red hairs everwhere through the house which could only be Catelyn's. Then he noticed that Catelyn was more tired than she was before. And when she started vomiting the whole time, Ned drove her to the hospital.

"Don't worry" Luwin said. "Those are side effects of the chemo. Tiredness, Nausea, hairloss, etc. I can give you a flyer with all the side effects that can come with chemo."

"How many will there be?" Ned asked.

"Depends on the patient. No one has all the same side effects as the other."

"And is there anything you can do about it?" Catelyn asked.

"I fear not, ma'am." Catelyn sighed, and Luwin continued. "But some of them can go away after some time."

"Will the nausea go away? I mean, I do have to work"

"Most of the time the nausea goes away, but comes back after a new chemo"

"But there's a new chemo every three weeks!"

"I've not said it would go over. only sometimes, ma'am. And I strongly recommend to stay home and not at work in this early period. We don't know how your body reacts to the chemo, and it would be wise to stay home, or here, should something happen."

"So I can't go to work?"

"No, ma'am"

"But they'll replace me! They'll kick me out of the system"

"Have you not told them, ma'am?"

She shook her head.

"Why not?"  Ned asked."They would understand it if you would stay home."

"I don't want their pity, Ned" she snapped. "You know I don't"

"ma'am" Luwin looked at her. "I would tell them, were I you. But don't do to much walking around or stuff like excercizing. Not untill we know all the side effects."

"You want me to sit down all day?"

"no, ma'am. But at least as possible activity"

"That's the same"

"Cat, please. He's trying to help"

"Well, you're not helping." She said coldly. She looked at Luwin again. "I'm not good at doing nothing"

"Just resting isn't that hard."

"I can't rest. You see, I have three kids, and-"

"Three?"

"Yes, why?"

"No, no..go on"

"Well, everytime I got into labour, the contractions had to come first and... well, you know that cause you're a doctor, but Ned and the midwife urged me onto a bed untill the labour truly begun, and-"

Ned laughed. "We had to give her a calming pill because she was going crazy of the not-doing-anything-while-she-said-she-could-do-everything."

Cat frowned at him. "Yes...that"

"I assure you, this is different" Ned said.

"What's the difference between laying on a bed and laying on a bed?"

"Damn it, Cat. You know that's not what I meant."

"It's not that you can't move at all, ma'am." Luwin said. "It's just that you should limit it"

"I know you don't want me to, but can I at least go to work on shorter days?"

Luwin sighed. "That's your own responsability, ma'am"

"Then I'll go"

"Cat..."

"No, Ned. I'll go. I have to tell my colleagues and boss anyway"

Ned sighed defeated. "Fine" he said, "But if you're feeling miserable, you'll come home at once, understood?"

* * *

The weeks flew by, and chemo's followed and followed once in the three weeks. It was awful, everytime that tube being placed in her hand...She did get different though, much to her dislike. Her hair kept falling out, her skin became a more greyish colour, and there were dark circles under her eyes. Her colleagues and boss had reacted shocked, and she was allowed to stay home whenever she wanted, she only had to call them. The changes like her hair falling out and the tiredness and the nausea were bad, bit there was one change she found the worst;

She was pregnant.

Normally it would have been happy news, exciting and joyous. Now she sat crying on the bathroom floor. She was shaking, and had no idea what to do. This was just such a bad timing...A knock came from the door.

"Cat? Are you okay?"

She didn't answer.

"Cat? Unlock the door" he knocked again. "Catelyn are you there?"

"yes" She managed to say.

"Cat? Oh gods, Cat, open the door!"

"please, Ned...I-I'm fine, just go"

"Catelyn, open the door then we'll speak" She bit her lip, stood up with quite an effort, and unlocked the door. Ned opened it at once, pulling her into his arms.

"What is it, my love?" He asked her while she sobbed against his chest.

"Oh, Ned" She choked out. "I'm so sorry"

"For what, my love. Please tell me what's wrong"

She looked at him with tears on her face and in her eyes.

"I'm pregnant"

He stared a her for a while. "A-are you sure?"

She nodded. "I did three tests, Ned"

"How big is the chance this is safe?"

"I don't know"

"We should get to Luwin"

"I was thinking the same"

"We need to know what we should do"

"We do"

"Shall we go?"

"Yes"

"Okay, I'll drive"

 

 


	10. Talk About It

"Mom, are you serious?!"

"Yes, sweetling" She looked at all her childeren, and then at Ned. "You're going to get a new brother or sister"

"I want a sister!" Sansa exclaimed.

"No. Brother!"

"No, Arya. A sister"

"I would like a baby brother" Robb smiled.

"We'll see" Cat said, standing up with effort. "Now...That was all, kids. It's late and you have to go to school tomorrow. It's already way too late for you, young lady" she said, looking at Arya. Ned smiled, lifted Arya, and brought her upstairs, followed by Sansa and Robb with 'goodnights'.

Catelyn sat down on the couch, waiting for Ned to return. When he didn't come down after a few minutes, probably pestered with questions and stories, she got up and walked to the kitchen, making a cup of tea when Ned walks in. He steps behind her, sliding his arms around her waist. She sighs, placing the cup down.

"Are you okay?" He asked her.

"I don't know, Ned" She turned to face him. "I mean, Luwin told us there was no danger with the chemo and things like that, but...Now I see the kids so happy, I wonder...what would happen _if_ something would happen to the baby or me."

 _The baby or me._ He thought. _She fears for herself._

"Nothin will happen, Cat."

"How do you know?" _Yep, she's afraid ..._

"Catelyn, look at me" He placed a finger under her chin and lifted it so he could look into her eyes. "You'll be fine"

She sighed again, leaning against his chest. He brought his hand through her hair, feeling another strand loosening.

"Cat..." He begins. "Your hair is-"

"I know" she says softly, bringing her own hand to her hair and taking the strand out, leaving a bald spot. She took a shaky breath.

"M-maybe we should take everything off. I have a few bald places...Totally bald and a wig is better"

"Cat, I don't want you to rush things"

"Do you think I want to cut off my hair? ...Just do it."

He didn't want to do it. The beautiful red hair. the hair he liked to touch and play with. The hair he noticed how thick it was when he first met her...

"Right now?"

"yes"

"Sure?"

"No"

"Cat..."

"Do it, Ned"

He sighs, and grabs the shaver and a razor.

* * *

She looks in the mirror of the bathroom.

"I'm hideous" She whispers.

"You're beautiful, Cat" he kissed her. "Always"

"I'm bald...Even my brows and lashes are falling out!"

"They'll grow back, my love. Don't worry. When you are better you'll look just the same...It will grow back"

"What if I won't get better"

"You will"

"You can't just say that I'll get better or not. You know Luwin said there's only a 19% of surviving!"

"Not so negative, Cat. You're not dying!"

"Ofcourse I am!" she walked away from him, going to the living room. Ned followed her, and saw her standing in next to the couch with a hand over her mouth, crying softly.

"Cat..."

"I'm so scared" she sobbed. "I don't want to die."

"you won't"

"I will! Gods, don't you understand?! I am dying...I...I" She sank on the couch and wept. He sat down next to her, and held her close against him.

"You will die, Cat. Of an accedent, of another illness, or just of an very, very old age. Though I prefer the last one, I want you to live forwards. Not thinking about dying. Not yet. You're not old enough for that."

"It's harder than you know" she sobbed. "Pretending to live with the fact you're ill instead of just breaking down, knowing you'll possibaly will die."

"Cat, listen to me!" he was getting angry with her. How could she already accept that she would die?

She looked at him hesitantly, and then lowered her eyes again. "I'm sorry" she whispered. "I'm just...so tired and not feeling well, and..." She took a deep breath. "I just need to sleep. Tomorrow is yet another chemo..."

"Shall I go with you to the hospital?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you there"

"What? why?"

"I don't want you there to see me like that."

"Oh, Cat. What could possibaly happen what could make me love you less? I've seen you giving birth three times." He laughed softly.

She smiled a little bit, and then turned sad again."That was different. That was for both our benefits, unless you didn't want kids at all, but...This is not a happy thing, Ned. And I don't want you to see me there like that."

"Like what? My beautiful wife? The mother of my childeren? I love you, Cat. Whatever happens. I'll be there with you, I promise."

"You do?"

He nodded. "Yes, my love. Now, lets go to bed. You're tired"

* * *

 

 Ned looked around, There were no people in the waiting room that morning, _No surprise._ He thought. _Who the fuck would be in a hospital ar six in the morning?._ Catelyn had fallen asleep against him. He knew she hadn't slept that night. He had found her in the bathroom looking in the mirror at her now hairless head. She wrapped a blue scarf around her head, and dressed in a grey skinnyjeans and one of his old shirts. She Always wore his old shirts, even if they were way too big.

Luwin called them in, and Ned softly shook Cat's shoulders to wake her. Once inside, Luwin had given her a card with the adress and Phone number of a wigstore which sold very good wigs. She thanked him, and then walked with Luwin to the shared room.

"Hey Karin" Catelyn greeted.

"Hey...Has it happened?" she tapped her own head to show what she meant. Catelyn simply nodded, and lay down on the hospital bed. Luwin inserted the tube again, and Catelyn sighed.

"So..." She started, looking at Luwin. "How long do I have to stay this time?"

"Some longer, ma'am" he said, pouring her a glass of water. "After these three weeks, we'd like to make a scan again.

"Three weeks this time?" She frowned. "Really?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Isn't there any chance that I could go home?"  She asked with a high pitched voice.

Luwin smiled. "No ma'am"

Catelyn sighed. "It was worth trying."

Ned chuckled, and then turned to Luwin. "Do you have time?"

"Yes, why, Mr. Stark?"

"Please call me Ned." Luwin nodded. "But can we talk somewhere... I don't know. Somewhere private?"

"Yes, sure...Ned. We can go to my office."

As Ned sat down in Luwin's office, and Luwin poured him a cup of coffee, Ned thought of the unborn child in Cat's belly. Catelyn would be morningsick soon enough.

"What would you like to talk about?" Luwin asked.

"A-about my wife. I mean, about the illness. You know. Cancer."

"What would you like to know? About the chemo? Or the side effects, or-"

"I want to talk about whether she will live or not."

Luwin's face dropped. "I-I..." He started. "Your wife is admirably strong, and if her illness doesn't get worse she'll surely survive, but... It is getting worse, ser. And  after the scan we'll make, we'll see if we can use a stronger chemo."

"A stronger chemo?" Ned got a little angry. "Why won't you use the strongest at once? It would be over quicker!"

"Because, mr. Stark, a stronger chemo has stronger side effects. Your wife will feel sick most of the time, vomiting a lot. Her hair will stay away, and her nails can fall off too, which is very painfull. Would you wish that, mr. Stark? Not everyone can handle a stronger chemo. We have to make that scan first. Maybe, if our hopes are favored, we can amputate her breast, in which the largest part of the tumor is."

Ned was quite shocked.

"S-so with a stronger chemo she'll survive, right?"

"I hope so, mr. Stark. I hope so. Cancer is something that we do not know much about."

Ned sighed sadly.

" I....I should go back to my wife. I thank you, Luwin."

"No problem, Ned...The next time you have a question, just ask."

"I will"

"Now go to your wife, mr. Stark. She'll miss your company these weeks."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
